Sisi Remains a Prisoner of Her Fame, Long After it Killed Her

Klaus Zynski Ivades Europe, Part 12.

She was fifteen and her own family thought she was ugly and the Kaiser thought she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on. An Italian Anarchist killed her with a file in the chest when she was sixty and out for a walk, she’d spent most of her life walking miles upon miles each day to keep he figure. At time of death she’d been covering her face with a veil for about thirty years because she didn’t want the public seeing she’d aged. She’d buried the lion’s share of her children before she died.

Now they put her pictures, the flattering ones, on everything. Chocolate, hand mirrors, books, naturally, no shortage of historical fiction about the nineteenth century’s most famous woman. They have notebooks and fridge magnets, and napkins. That’s probably the most absurd from the standpoint of pure consumerist mania but I do think there’s a certain cruel irony about the chocolate. Empress Elisabeth almost certainly had an eating disorder, along with anxiety and severe depression.

Liz brought this up first, so she gets the credit. Why does Europe always seem to land on tragic figures when selecting iconic national women?

I do apologize if I sound like an annoying male feminist here. I can pivot to being an annoying online Marxist and point out that in class terms this woman was the furthest thing from a victim, if you like. The anecdotes don’t paint the most flattering picture. She bullied her servants and wrote a lot of bad poetry and probably fucked a few guys that weren’t her husband. She would have been a tremendous Substack Girlie.

I won’t pretend to be blind to a certain sort of glamor, a now-extinct premodern beauty. Ankle-length hair requiring hours of daily maintenance, meaningless feudal titles with funny German names, jewels like fun-sized Snickers bars, tight-laced corsets, luxurious gowns, beautiful gowns (Thanks, Aretha). I get it! I get it.

But Christ, can’t we let the woman rest? No, of course not. Money to be made. Imperial monarchy is an expensive thing. May as well see how much of that treasury you can get back, now that the Habsburgs are off tweeting and racing in F1 developmental leagues.

I think Liz really was onto something. I’m pretty sure I saw at least one sign describing Sisi as “the Lady Di of the 19th Century” (she also had an eating disorder lmfao).

The French can’t be like this with Marie Antoinette, right? Certainly not Josephine. What about the Russians? Do they do this with Anastasia? I’ll let you know if I ever reach Paris or Moscow.

I don’t envy national mascots. Seems a lonely sort of life.